Ooh, I can beta-read for you if you're in that dire a situation. Can only comment on Criminal Minds and general writing-y (look at me. I'm a literary MACHINE) stuff, but I'd still gladly do it.
Looking back, I'm surprised that Reid's Reidy mind didn't jump to something mutant-related. Not saying he would've got is - just that his hilarious mumblings might have been mutant-related. Although "nefarious experiments" made me giggle.
If you're wondering: Jack Hotchner was born between episodes 6 and 7 of season 1, and Haley brought in her newly-born son in The Fox. As Commodum Ex Iniuria seems to be around late season 4 (assuming Henry was under 1 year old during the story, which I obviously can't say), when Jack was about 4, he should be 7 now as this is 3 years after. But like I said, that depends on your timeline for the previous stories. As for the age difference, well, it might mean that Jack wouldn't naturally choose to spend time with Henry and Didi, but then I like imagining all our agents trotting off to a case and dumping all their kids with one unfortunate bastard. ...oooh, or Emma. I can imagine Emma and Garcia somehow getting lumbered with all 3 of the kids - there could be a party of some sort that they're all attending, and then whoosh, phone call and off on a case. Garcia sets up her office wherever they are, and Emma watches the kids, because those two in a scene would be the stuff of gold.
Onto Jordan: yeah, this is better. I'm actually surprised she doesn't know about Emma - an FBI agent semi-dating a mutant sounds like something that would be common knowledge around the FBI if not at least the BAU among those who are more or less Emily's family. Plus you reference a lot of media coverage on Emily gallivanting off to California to see Emma, so I imagine Jordan might have heard of her. But then, I suppose Emily just attempts to avoid the topic at work, so that's one way you could go. Though I'm still sure Jordan will have heard some rumours, and the occasional bitching from Emily/JJ.
Anyway, yeah, that's more like Jordan, though a little quieter and sadder; to me she came across as fiery but lacking the restraint and detachment of the BAU, though that may just have been her reaction to a new environment and role. I think the scene with her being introduced to Emily in Memoriam, plus the club scenes in 52 Pickup, are a good indication of how she'll be in social events such as cooing over baby pictures, but then you obviously have some leeway since it's been a few years since season 4.
For more Jordan characterisation, you've obviously got how she'll uh, grey her morals in order to save lives - because lying to that poor woman in Masterpiece was horrible, but you just knew Jordan wouldn't have done it if they weren't trying to save people and catch a killer. You've also got the fact that she chose to leave the CTU and temporarily fill another role, and now again she chose to leave the department completely (is that right? Or is she temping for JJ again?) - is that indicative of being adaptable, of always looking for a change, finding it difficult to settle, not liking the CTU, or did she enjoy working with the BAU?
I think on the whole, assuming that she'd only heard a bit of rumours/bitching (guessing they're the same when it comes to Emma) about Emily's on-and-off girlfriend, she'd be as curious as you've put, but also a little more enthusiastic, a little less restrained. I'm sure she'd coo over the pictures a little.
This line: 'She sighed. Too late'. Does someone [other than myself] have a bit of an Emily/Jordan shipper in them? :P
And one more thing to bitch about: I think that bracketed explanation about JJ taking profiling classes seems a bit rushed. Maybe you could edit previous chapters to hint at/explain that, and then just reinforce it here?
Sorry, I'm, well, I'm pretty whiny about a lot of things.
Re: Jordan
Looking back, I'm surprised that Reid's Reidy mind didn't jump to something mutant-related. Not saying he would've got is - just that his hilarious mumblings might have been mutant-related. Although "nefarious experiments" made me giggle.
If you're wondering: Jack Hotchner was born between episodes 6 and 7 of season 1, and Haley brought in her newly-born son in The Fox. As Commodum Ex Iniuria seems to be around late season 4 (assuming Henry was under 1 year old during the story, which I obviously can't say), when Jack was about 4, he should be 7 now as this is 3 years after. But like I said, that depends on your timeline for the previous stories. As for the age difference, well, it might mean that Jack wouldn't naturally choose to spend time with Henry and Didi, but then I like imagining all our agents trotting off to a case and dumping all their kids with one unfortunate bastard. ...oooh, or Emma. I can imagine Emma and Garcia somehow getting lumbered with all 3 of the kids - there could be a party of some sort that they're all attending, and then whoosh, phone call and off on a case. Garcia sets up her office wherever they are, and Emma watches the kids, because those two in a scene would be the stuff of gold.
Onto Jordan: yeah, this is better. I'm actually surprised she doesn't know about Emma - an FBI agent semi-dating a mutant sounds like something that would be common knowledge around the FBI if not at least the BAU among those who are more or less Emily's family. Plus you reference a lot of media coverage on Emily gallivanting off to California to see Emma, so I imagine Jordan might have heard of her. But then, I suppose Emily just attempts to avoid the topic at work, so that's one way you could go. Though I'm still sure Jordan will have heard some rumours, and the occasional bitching from Emily/JJ.
Anyway, yeah, that's more like Jordan, though a little quieter and sadder; to me she came across as fiery but lacking the restraint and detachment of the BAU, though that may just have been her reaction to a new environment and role. I think the scene with her being introduced to Emily in Memoriam, plus the club scenes in 52 Pickup, are a good indication of how she'll be in social events such as cooing over baby pictures, but then you obviously have some leeway since it's been a few years since season 4.
For more Jordan characterisation, you've obviously got how she'll uh, grey her morals in order to save lives - because lying to that poor woman in Masterpiece was horrible, but you just knew Jordan wouldn't have done it if they weren't trying to save people and catch a killer. You've also got the fact that she chose to leave the CTU and temporarily fill another role, and now again she chose to leave the department completely (is that right? Or is she temping for JJ again?) - is that indicative of being adaptable, of always looking for a change, finding it difficult to settle, not liking the CTU, or did she enjoy working with the BAU?
I think on the whole, assuming that she'd only heard a bit of rumours/bitching (guessing they're the same when it comes to Emma) about Emily's on-and-off girlfriend, she'd be as curious as you've put, but also a little more enthusiastic, a little less restrained. I'm sure she'd coo over the pictures a little.
This line: 'She sighed. Too late'. Does someone [other than myself] have a bit of an Emily/Jordan shipper in them? :P
And one more thing to bitch about: I think that bracketed explanation about JJ taking profiling classes seems a bit rushed. Maybe you could edit previous chapters to hint at/explain that, and then just reinforce it here?
Sorry, I'm, well, I'm pretty whiny about a lot of things.