Poem 70

[nike_ravus]

Title: Poem 70 (High D'Haran Love Poetry 6/??)
Author: Alsike
Fandom: LotS
Rating: Rish-not even.
Pairing: Berdine/Raina
Word Count: 972
Apologies: Picks up in the same scene as Poem 8, and is really short. But the next chapter is almost done, and longer, and starts off in a direction I didn't expect.
Summary: Mord'Sith, back in the library again.

Poem 51
Poem 2b
Poem 92
Poem 99
Poem 8

Raina's hands slid over her body, cupping her skin, pressing against the bruises and welts, and Berdine bit back the whimper at the pain, and the heat of her mouth as it pressed against her throat.

"Don't say those things to me." The breath of her voice was hot on her skin. "They aren't your words. They are things that are old and dead and gone, and we can not bring them back."

"But I have no others," Berdine whispered, half to the ceiling. "They come to my lips and trip off my tongue because they have been the only way I have had to feel. Hitherto, they were only words, as if I had been told about the pain of an agiel with out ever experiencing it."

Raina pulled away from her, and it was as if the breath had been stolen from her body. "Don't- don't tell me that." She stepped back and looked, her eyes taking in the vicious black mark from the agiel on Berdine's stomach. "I can't believe in impossible things."

And then she was gone, and Berdine swung slowly, the lingering warmth making her injuries sting.

* * *

Berdine was in the library again, purportedly doing research for the Lord Rahl, in actuality sketching in the margins of her notes. If the lines formed the shape of lips, the curve of a tensed arm drawing back a lash, she did not think too deeply about it.

"You're always here."

"It's kind of my job."

But she turned, allowing herself to take in the sight she did not allow herself to wish to see. Raina did not seem confident as she had before. She looked around as if seeing the books for the first time, her mouth a little slack, almost seeming threatened and afraid. But that was an impossible thing.

Berdine rose and moved towards her. She felt like a half-broken child, unable to hide her pleasure that her Mistress had sought out her company, unable to deny her anything, except the self-possession that she demanded. She smiled, and her smile only broadened when Raina looked irritated and disapproving. "Have you come to keep me company? Or for a book? I'm sure our lord would forgive me a few minutes break if you had any other requests."

"You would consider my request to be of higher importance than the Lord Rahl's?"

Berdine shrugged. "I can't say I'm making much progress as it is. The Sabine Annals of High D'Hara is not my favorite. Have you read any of it?"

Raina stiffened. "No."

"Lucky. My first tutor decided that it would be both morally and educationally beneficial for me. I much preferred Verm's Res Historica. Verm, at least, has a sense of-"

"Stop it!"

Berdine stopped. She hadn't expected that response. Going off about various historians couldn't count as flirting even for her. "Yes, Mistress."

Raina flinched. "Don't say that."

And she was a tangled little puzzle. Berdine stepped forward, and failing to consider it thoroughly, she reached out to curl her fingers around Raina's upper arm. "Is there anything you desire from me?"

Raina looked up, eyes wide for a moment, before she jerked away, backpedaling into a defensive stance. There was fury in her face that was irresistible. "How am I supposed to love you?"

Berdine stepped back, stunned. She had never used that word, though it blared like a siren in her mind.

"I don't know what to say when you're around. You're always watching, smiling, as if you can see how helpless I am. And it's my fault. I know it is. I came to you. I wanted to see whether the rumors could be true, whether there really was a Mord'Sith who believed in stories. But you're worse. You're a Mord'Sith who believes in love."

"I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry? You can't help being affected. It's your job. But it isn't mine." Raina's face was flat, her jaw set, her eyes hard. She looked like she was walking into a battle she had no hope of winning. "I cannot train it out of you, that's clear enough. But I cannot return your feelings. They do not exist for me."

"No feelings at all?" It wasn't a challenge really, just a casual, resigned question. A formal rejection, Berdine sighed. She must have been annoying.

"Envy, perhaps. Frustration." Raina's mouth was tight. "I'm not about to claim that I'm not attracted to you. But that really doesn't have anything to do with this, does it?"

Berdine nodded. "It doesn't."

"But I'm not interested in owning you. I'm not interested in your pain." She smiled tightly, recognizing the repetition of Berdine's own words. "Nor am I interested in being your pet, even if you were inclined to take me. Associating with you is nothing but troublesome for me. I would appreciate it if you would stop... whatever this is."

"If it is troublesome to you, I will do my best to stop." Berdine dipped her head, and unthinkingly, she gestured that Raina could depart. Raina obeyed without a word, turning her back on the books with a peculiar tension, and fled.

Berdine turned away from the door, taking a small volume off the shelf and opening it randomly. She hadn't meant to command her to leave. But they could playact a change in status all they wanted. It didn't make a difference in the end. Whatever it was that she wanted, it was impossible. Better to nip off the bud and dig out the roots.

The poem that fell under her eye...

“None,“ my woman says, would she rather marry than me,
Not even if the Creator herself asked,
She says this, but what a woman says to a passionate lover,
Should be written in the wind and swift-running water.

Berdine almost laughed.

Part 7