Sorry, had to get that out of the way (Jodhpur, to be exact). I usually try to avoid commenting on your fics just because I'll get distracted and then end up writing reams and reams to convey every single impression your writing leaves me with, and then we'll both lose time in the process - you by reading and then replying to the jumbled mess, me by writing the damn thing instead of doing homework. But I saw 'Rajasthan' and just had to comment. Well, that and you have 'gentlewoman' in the title. This just won me over so very much - gentle er, folkness in general charms me.
I'm going to be the one who makes you roll your eyes by pointing out the obvious Dickens-ness of it all. Have to say that you seem to have laid on Emily's mistreatment a bit thick there, all in one go - the governess line seems to be a bit overkill, especially with the line about her abysmal french which is mentioned by Lady Adler anyway. I don't think it wouldn't be true of her life or anything, I'm just saying that giving us all those comments at once seems a bit, I don't know, clunky? I'm all for a picture of how Emily grows up in this household, but maybe a little more spread through chapters? Or just not all with mocking dialogue. I'm not sure exactly what I'm saying here, just that I think you could do with a few less lines on how awful everyone is to Emily, or perhaps rephrase them?
Moving onto: accent love! Oh, I can imagine even canon Emily being able to do quite a few accents, especially given her globetrotting youth and Paget's ability to do them. And an irish accent of all things - it's as though you write this for me or something. I really like Lady Adler so far, although I see she's not bitchy enough to be an older Emma, so it should be interesting to see how her relationship with Emily plays out.
Really is a good start, even though I've spent half of this post bitching about a few lines. Hope for more, and damn you for making me abandon my french essay.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2010-01-25 07:15 pm (UTC)Sorry, had to get that out of the way (Jodhpur, to be exact). I usually try to avoid commenting on your fics just because I'll get distracted and then end up writing reams and reams to convey every single impression your writing leaves me with, and then we'll both lose time in the process - you by reading and then replying to the jumbled mess, me by writing the damn thing instead of doing homework. But I saw 'Rajasthan' and just had to comment. Well, that and you have 'gentlewoman' in the title. This just won me over so very much - gentle er, folkness in general charms me.
I'm going to be the one who makes you roll your eyes by pointing out the obvious Dickens-ness of it all. Have to say that you seem to have laid on Emily's mistreatment a bit thick there, all in one go - the governess line seems to be a bit overkill, especially with the line about her abysmal french which is mentioned by Lady Adler anyway. I don't think it wouldn't be true of her life or anything, I'm just saying that giving us all those comments at once seems a bit, I don't know, clunky? I'm all for a picture of how Emily grows up in this household, but maybe a little more spread through chapters? Or just not all with mocking dialogue. I'm not sure exactly what I'm saying here, just that I think you could do with a few less lines on how awful everyone is to Emily, or perhaps rephrase them?
Moving onto: accent love! Oh, I can imagine even canon Emily being able to do quite a few accents, especially given her globetrotting youth and Paget's ability to do them. And an irish accent of all things - it's as though you write this for me or something. I really like Lady Adler so far, although I see she's not bitchy enough to be an older Emma, so it should be interesting to see how her relationship with Emily plays out.
Really is a good start, even though I've spent half of this post bitching about a few lines. Hope for more, and damn you for making me abandon my french essay.