Sweet Talk 101 Epilogue and Ficmix

[nike_ravus]

Title: Sweet Talk 101 - Epilogue (and Ficmix)
Author: Alsike
Fandom: X-Men/Criminal Minds.
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Emma/Emily
Word Count: 2957
Apologies: So I couldn't leave this alone.  It's probably shitty, but there were SO MANY loose ends at the end of that story, so I tried to tie a few of them up.  And then added music, so this post doesn't entirely blow.

Summary: The bet's over, but freedom might only be another chance to lose.

Disclaimer: google docs finally finished fucking me over, but thank god for astolat  and her awesome fanfic macros, so i don't have to go through and replace each italicization by hand.  And thank Majandra Delfino for her awesome lips. 

 The fic if you forgot it

Well, no one had ever told her that dating Emma Frost was going to be easy.

Most of Emily's friends asked her straight out, 'what the hell was she thinking?' And in truth, she didn't know. Emma was like a magnet, or a star, and you got caught in her orbit, and you knew that even if she got bored with you and turned away, you'd never be able to break free.

Emma had never claimed anything more than curiosity. Waiting in the anteroom to the principal's office, Emma had leaned against her, buried her head in her shoulder, and commented, "I know you kind of hate me, but... I'd just like to see what it would be like, you know, being with you."

The thought had made Emily sick. Emma had spent the last two weeks with her at the end of a bungee cord, and you couldn't bargain with her, you couldn't ask nicely, you just hung on and hoped that you wouldn't get slammed into a wall. She raised the stakes higher and higher, and Emily didn't know how to deal with that. All she was good at was pulling back and not getting involved. She had watched the clock tick towards noon telling herself that it wasn't her business, that she shouldn't make it her business. But if she hadn't, she would have hated herself forever.

And Emma was warm against her, and the only person she had been able to give herself to, even though it wasn't safe, wasn't easy, wasn't normal. And she wanted to scream at her, and tell her to be normal, and not act like a crazy person, or tell her things like 'I want to be with you' when that was it, it was yes or no, no bargaining, no trial run, no easing into it with casual dating or being friends. Emily didn't know how to do that. But that was what you got with Emma. You couldn't ask people to be someone they weren't.

If Emily had learned anything from the shitty things that had happened to her, it was to just take it as it came, and not think about the future, or the fear would drown you.

She sighed and her fingernails traced patterns on Emma's scalp, tangling in her hair. "Yeah," she said. "Sure."

Being suspended for a week was definitely a crash course in dealing with Emma, and it was dealing 24-7 because apparently Emma liked her apartment, and was fine with sleeping on the couch when she threw her out of her bedroom and told her that no, she was still really freaked out, and wasn't ready to sleep with her again. Emma found this amusing, but was willing to coddle her.

The next morning, Emma had sat on the counter and handed her things while she cooked breakfast. It had almost felt easy. Then her parents charged in during a syrupy fingers battle, very upset that the principal's office hadn't gotten around to calling them until the day after their daughter had been suspended.

Introducing Emma to her parents and Melanie (sometimes she hated her parents for picking that name, and Emma had laughed and laughed, "Emily and Melanie, it's like a tongue twister.") for the first time, as the girl, yes, that she had been suspended for committing lewd acts in the cafeteria with, was not the best situation she could have hoped for. But Emma was kind of terrifyingly good at cutting off parental tirades by being impeccably polite (and unnervingly interested in Melanie). And once it had come out that she had spent the night on the couch (blankets and pillow still there to prove it) the whole 'she stayed over' angle was pretty much dead. And since no one actually knew what lewd acts meant, they just laughed about it, hoping that her parents would think that it was kissing and maybe a little inappropriate groping, not worthy of a full week's suspension, but not worthy of complaining to the principle about and giving him the chance to explain exactly what they had done to get suspended either.

Somehow, the worst part was they actually liked Emma. They hadn't met JJ, (JJ had been utterly horrified by the idea) but it felt a little like Emma was usurping the opportunity that should have been hers. Or perhaps it was just because she was showing a side Emily hadn't seen before, she was polite and appropriate, bright and confident, and nothing like the brazen, slutty, hellbitch that Emily knew.

Her parents left, squeezing her shoulders, half worried, and half smiles, and Emily wondered what they could be thinking. It was so difficult to understand. Somehow, when everything had happened before, they had decided to treat her like an adult. That had been the hardest thing to get used to. She hadn't wanted to be treated like an adult. She had wanted to be punished. If you were punished it meant that your mistake had been paid for. You wouldn't have to suffer it for your whole life, because you parents had taken the responsibility for it. But they had taken the physical reality of her failure away, and left her with the guilt and the weight of the knowledge that she couldn't be punished, because she could never be absolved. They had made a bargain. She would have a second chance, and they would give her the freedom to try again. But the safety net was gone. She had the freedom to pay for her own mistakes. They could only remind her of her own goals and decisions, and make certain she would take steps to see that the suspension didn't interfere with them.

Emma went home for clothes, and Emily cried on the couch for an hour.

* * *

Wednesday night and Emily was panicking. This had clearly been a stupid idea. Being together didn't work for them. They were only attracted to each other when they were fighting.

She tried to explain this. Emma looked at her like she was an idiot, but an amusing one, then laced her fingers behind her head and pulled her in for a kiss.

Other panics were waiting in line to fill in when that one had been obliterated. They ended up making out on the couch, and then somehow Emma had snaked her way under her, and Emily was on top, and terrified that it was going to be a complete failure.

They had never done this. And Emma had done... a thousand things, and none of them had been as boring and simple as just fingers. But she slipped a hand up her skirt anyway, and Emma bucked, and Emily sank into her, breathing out.

She couldn't confuse herself or distract herself, because she couldn't think of anything else but the sounds that Emma made and the way she twitched and shuddered at each move. She drew it out, loving the way Emma let her, clinging to her hair and the back of her shirt, tilting her head back and baring her neck to Emily's teeth.

And Emily was the only one who got to watch her come that night, and she wouldn't share it with anyone.

* * *

By the time school came back around, Emily had almost accepted the fact that Emma wanted her. She would respond whenever Emily showed interest, but she wouldn't make the first move. If she was interested, she would whine and flirt and forget to button her shirt up all the way. But she wouldn't demand it. She still let Emily have that much control, and Emily couldn't help but thank her for it, silently, because Emma would mock her if she ever mentioned it.

But school was new territory entirely. Everyone already knew about the thing that had happened in the lunchroom. Emily knew that most of the school would think she was a slut, and that even the people she considered friends would need a lot of explanation.

For the rest of the student body, kissing Emma at her locker was all she thought she needed to do. Maybe it had been a dramatic overture, but they would forget eventually, and maybe they would assume that it was just a fight, one of the (unavoidably) crazy bumps in whatever sort of relationship this was.

But what it had done, that everyone noticed, was take Emma away from Sebastian. Sebastian was sour and vengeful about it, but he hadn't done anything yet. Still, there was no way that Emma would be able to sit by him during lunch.

There was a chair by the window that no one sat in, and most of the people who were in Emma's clique had lost respect for her long ago. Perhaps they admired her for extricating herself from Sebastian, but they didn't like her. So Emily had done her best. She had harangued Ororo in the bathroom until she had finally acquiesced. And as stiff as a board she had casually approached Emma as she came into the lunchroom and said her lines. Emma, making use of her unexpected politeness and poise smiled and nodded. Ro brought her to their table, and introduced her, and when she sat next to Emily and forced herself to make a good impression when her reputation had been in the sewer for years, the group at the table did their level best to not flinch away.

At least Derek and Bobby just treated it as if it were live theatre, and were congratulatory and appreciative. Girls were always so much more difficult.

Emma kissed her goodbye after school and took off without anything more than, "Monday, family dinner," and Emily went home, and collapsed on her sofa, and felt completely messed up about being alone. She fell asleep there. Emma came in late and locked up. She pulled a blanket over her, watching her for a little bit before taking the opportunity to have the bed to herself.

* * *

Sometimes Emily wondered if Emma felt things like other people, or if she was brass inside as well as out. Even when she was drunk and affectionate it was broad strokes of affection, wrapping her arms around Emily's neck and mumbling something about competence and Wellington boots, and how very sexy it was indeed, it didn't resemble any of the tangled knots of hope and fear and the comfort of standing flat on a slowly crumbling cliff that Emily tried to crush inside of her. When she was drunk it settled though, and she could pull Emma into her lap, and be happy and almost crushed until she fell asleep.

It wasn't until Emma finally winced and said, 'do you want to come to dinner tonight?" Monday night, and she accepted, getting out at the door and letting the valet take her car, that she suddenly thought she might hardly know Emma at all. It was probably torture, she was sure, this awful dinner with these awful people. Only the boy gave her an honest smile, and a bit of a wink that suggested Emma's pretence of just friends (with respectable relations) was wasted on him.

He gave her a half hug after they had thankfully been set free and shook his head. "And a lovely welcome wagon my family always brings," he said, laughing. "I already like you, you know. Emma's prettier when she smiles, and she smiles when she's talking about you."

"You mean laughing at me," Emily replied, and Christian grinned.

"That too."

He slipped away and Emma stumbled of the dining room. The look on her face was like a crack in an egg, irreparable, and letting everything sealed away inside slip out. And she looked up, and met Emily's eyes, and they were clear and blue and pleading, like a drowning person throwing a rope and begging for rescue, and Emily snagged the end and reeled her in, and kissed her, and Emma dragged her into a closet, and they had hot quick sex half-way to Narnia.

Emma fell asleep while Emily drove home, and she shifted gears very carefully to not disturb the sleeper on her shoulder.

She thought musingly, that maybe all of this was like a tangled knot of upset stomach for her, with a bit of walking the plank thrown in, but for Emma it was like having pulled tight inside her shell and finding that something had gotten inside. It dug into her soft flesh, hundreds of tiny blades. And she bled. But anyone who could take a beating like her wasn't going to pull away from something as mild (and incontrovertibly tragic) as the endless torture of love.

* * *

It wasn't supposed to work. It wasn't supposed to be easy or fun. Emily had known it would end from the start, because eventually Emma would get bored, and be curious about something or someone else, and she wasn't going to fight against that. She had her own goals and her own needs, and she knew she would cry and feel like shit, and it was dangerous to get comfortable. But she couldn't help it getting easier to read Emma, to make her laugh, protect her when she needed protection, and let her fight her own battles when she needed that, and be there when she came home on Monday nights looking like a soldier just airlifted out of a war.

And still, every once in a while she would look around, and be afraid, because she could always see Emma, or smell her, or groan at her things strewn around her apartment, and she didn't know what it would be like to not have that anymore, and she suddenly doubted she could handle having her gone.

She would still see JJ on occasion, and watch her watch them, scoffing at first, and then watching, confused and almost shocked, when after a month or more Emma was still snaking her arms around Emily's neck in the hallway and whispering clearly dirty things in her ear. And she watched at parties, waiting for something to happen, and it didn't. Emily couldn't believe the evidence of JJ's eyes, because the shock was going away, as if she had started to forget that they were ever anything but together.

And then Emma came back from Monday night family dinner with a look on her face like she had decided to nuke the city. She had a bloody nose, and there was swelling around her eye that looked like it would turn black soon, and she jerked away when Emily tried to touch her.

"I'm leaving," she said. "I told my father that I wouldn't move back into the house, I wouldn't follow his stupid rules, and I wouldn't let him punish me for sleeping with you." She looked down. "I'm going to go to Boston. I need to work, or something. He's cut me off." She shuddered slightly. "I was only hoping to hold it off until next year, until I could escape to college like Christian did."

Emily couldn't think of a thing to say.

Emma looked up, eyes unexpectedly soft. "I'm sorry. I just wish I could have had a little more time with you."

And this was the end she had expected and feared for so long. Emma smiled, it was weak, a little sad, and she started to turn away, and there was something utterly recognizable in her eyes and the set of her shoulders. She had known it would end too. She had been waiting, willing to take what she could, and happy to be free of one of her masters, but no one was ever completely free.

"No." Emily caught her wrist, and Emma spun, looking panicked, trying to pull away. "You're not going anywhere." Emma stilled in her grip. "Not if you don't want to go."

"I won't take your charity. You saved me once. I won't let you do it again."

And she had it backwards, of course, because she had demanded that Emily break out of all of the safe little shells she had made for herself. She had stolen her secrets, opened her up and reminded her how to be touched, given her comfort, destroyed her self pity, and never, ever, judged her for her mistakes.

"Everyone deserves a second chance."

"I had that." It looked like she might cry.

"Give me a second chance." Emily cupped her face. "Let me prove it this time. I don't want you to go."

And the tears in Emma's eyes glittered before they spilled over and ran down her cheeks, and Emily leaned in and kissed her, like she had a thousand times, like she had even when she had hated this girl, had believed that her savage games and casual cruelty were something she could never condone, believed that she was nothing she could ever want.

Emma kissed her back, fiercely, as if she wanted to brand her mark onto Emily's lips. And they stumbled back, heat and possession, onto the bed. And it had always been like this, Emily realized, lost in the scent of Emma's skin and her taste, she had never been able to let her go. Even when she was supposed to hate her, she had reached out and pulled this girl into her instead of pushing her away, and Emma had never, ever resisted her. And perhaps that meant more than she had ever let herself believe it did.

"Don't go."

"I won't."

"Promise?"

"I promise. I won't ever go."

And Emily finally let herself believe it. She closed Emma tightly in her arms and let her fear go.

 

---

Ficmix:





Shake It
-Rediscover

Now baby I won’t ask you
If you don’t want to
I won’t hurt you
Unless you want me to

Oh No!
-Marina and the Diamonds

Don't do love, don't do friends
I'm only after success
Don't need a relationship
I'll never soften my grip

VCR
-The xx

Watch things on VCRs - with me
And talk about big  - love
I think we're superstars
You say you think we are the best thing


Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off
-Panic! At The Disco

Is it still me that makes you sweat?
Am I who you think about in bed?
When the lights are dim and your hands are shaking as you're sliding off your dress?
Then think of what you did
And how I hope to God he was worth it.
When the lights are dim and your heart is racing as your fingers touch his skin.

From The Hips
-Cursive

We're at our worst when it's from our lips
From our lips we caused a rift
And this world is falling in
From Babel to barroom brawls
Our words have formed a death sentence
And I wish that we had never talked
Our hips said it all

Keep Yourself Warm
-Frightened Rabbit

I'm drunk, I'm drunk
and you're probably on pills
If we've both got the same diseases
it's irrelevant, girl

Come on Get Higher
-Matt Nathanson

I miss the sound of your voice,
The loudest thing in my head.
And I ache to remember
All the violent, sweet, perfect words that you said.

Bonus Track

Sweet Talk 101
-Cute Is What We Aim For

The arch in your eyebrows
Can tell the truth
Just imagine what your back could do
And the dance floor where I do my best
Is your, your mattress

Zip File

Comments

[semerket.livejournal.com]

Gawd, this whole fic was UNF!!! And I'm so happy that they... well had a happy ending! I was so worried Emma would find an excuse to leave Emily. Yay for second chances! And yay to you for writing this! :-D

Awesome

[(Anonymous)]

'hot quick sex half-way to Narnia' - hah! Best ever. Thanks, loved this and all your other fics. Frankly, Emma would be hot with anyone, but the way you write Emily (in her various incarnations) she has just the right amount and kind of issues to mean they can't get enough of each other - perfect. Thanks for posting. - Stark

Win!

[littlesavage.livejournal.com]

I can't believe more people haven't read/commented on this. The way you write Emma & Emily makes me drool in whatever scenario you place them. This made me cry too... but then, these two always do, damn you. Thanks for sharing.

[mayireadtoday.livejournal.com]

Yay! A happy ending!